love – Rachel E Hill

The nights draw in, and mystery sets itself upon us, rain, damp, yet clings the summer sun.

Its the changing of the seasons during this October. Big decisions weigh heavy on my mind and whatever I decide I know a lot of change is coming. I face it every year, this beast of the SAD. It never gets easier, except to say that it is absolutely worth planning for.

I try Hugge, hot water bottles, gentle stretching, resting and calm. I try but always feel like I am not being as productive as I should be. I know more than most how important rest is and yet my programming is deep and I find it hard to adjust after the wonderful season of summer, knowing what is coming.

A dark cloud sitting heavy on my chest every night, every morning.

“Try being positive” I think. There are a few bits of light coming, Halloween, Fireworks night, Christmas. All leading up to the New Year and a fresh start (though we can get that feeling anytime really). Special SAD light lamps, being kind to yourself. I need to give these things to myself.

So to planning. Yes, I have found having things to look forward to is very helpful indeed to get me through the dark times. A trip to the theatre, a movie night with friends, going for a massage, having a nice meal to prepare, seasonal comforts and expeditions. “What’s next?” distracts me and fills my mind with positive feelings rather than dwelling on sadness. Therapy always helps too.

Do whatever works for you, and if your not sure what to do, do something, nothing will keep you in a spiral of negative thinking, doing something at very least will distract you and might even offer you a new experience and help you along the season too.

Sending you ease and flow during this changing time and wishing you warmth and comfort for the coming months. 💕🌟😊

Summer light begins to fade

The summer has graced us again with its fullness and light and now the sun begins to withdraw earlier every evening and show up later in the morning. Its cooling and rainy and stormy and windy and sunny and totally unpredictable. What to wear sort of leans heavily on “layering” and my brain is sad and sluggish. Sad that I know the winter is coming and sluggish because I have been very naughty and eaten what I want rather than what I should.

Three wonderful weddings we’ve been to recently and the pressure for the day of the wedding and its weather is high, but thankfully they both went well and hardly any rain was seen. But more than the weather the bond of marriage and love was clear and present. What a joy it is to be invited to celebrate, and how secure they must be to find “the one”.

So much pressure is put on couples to not only find each other but to also commit and it can be costly and fraught with problems. Many people pointed to me at these weddings saying “you’ll be next”, I know they mean well, but I control my destiny thanks.

Shake off the weight of expectation.

Formalities like this are a natural and good part of life, but remember you are the one who is in control of your life, though sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. I feel controlled by many things but I have found it can feel a bit lighter if you decide you chose it.

I chose to suffer in the past because It was what I knew and what was safe to me. I choose to be free of pain wherever possible as it no longer serves me.

Life can be a bitch sometimes. But you have to keep going. I am squeezing as much joy as I can out of the Summer season (my favourite) as possible, and reviewing my position and looking at what no longer serves me and looking to leave those parts behind.

We all have to grow and change is the only thing which is constant. May the changes you go through this month be as smooth as can be. Wishing you September peace. ☀️🍁💨

What a swell of emotions it brings.

Firstly the resolutions to do better in weight, fitness, eating and life, yet we still have all the leftovers from Christmas to get through. Being a lady who hates food waste and also loves a bargain if its useful, means I still have a lot of those treats still in the cupboards, and also some generous leftovers from the Christmas gifts of chocolates, chocolates and more chocolates from colleagues and friends I’ve made since moving here last year.

December was a busy one, with 5 productions, juggling my day job and attending as many other seasonal joys and parties as I could manage. I do love the Christmas season. Although determined at the beginning of the month to do better, a stumble in my home life has meant and things are frozen in time waiting for the dust to settle. No great forward planning possible, controlling the only things I can in the short term till life can return to a stable situation again, and after a couple weeks of the void of the unknown it looks like February will bring stability again. All the good intentions are put on hold and another question floats into my awareness which is “why do we do this to ourselves?” After the loss of two people this past year and another just days ago it gently forces me to appreciate that life has its seasons and my own agendas can get thrown up into the air only to float down, a mess of papers, only to land in a wet and muddy puddle never to be useful again. So although this stumble was unintentional yet damaging, its also given us lessons to learn and ultimately change for the better. Not the resolutions we had set, but the change we finds ourselves with, and now in hindsight I am grateful for it. The wonderful thing about beginning new things, is that it can start at any time. Take heart. Despite what the world seems to be telling you, you don’t need a New Year to start over and if you fail the year is not failed. New starts are everywhere, New moons, Chinese new year, Easter, Mondays, this afternoon, after the next 15 minutes!

The start happens when you change your attitude and you are ready, not when you are told.

Remembering those who are gone I realise that no-one’s life is ever perfect, despite appearances and that we are all works in progress who need support and help from one another. Although there has been loss, there is also so much to be gained. This week I joined a group who have a project in mind for the summer and nothing is going to stop that from happening. I hope I will continue to be a part of it to its completion and though I’m only one meeting in, I feel very excited to be involved. I’m meeting new people at this juncture in my life and sometimes it is hard, but I am doing my best and being myself in the hope that my tribe will come to me. I already have some great memories from 2023 despite the losses, and I’m now able to enjoy the January award season after all the efforts of last year.

I hope 2024 brings as much joy and as many lessons, I feel certain it will.

Go gently, be grateful, love lots. x